A close shave

So one of the perks of shaving hair is the freedom and bliss of standing under a running shower….an obvious one. The other obvious one is saving yourself from the energy and cost of  salon trips and the pain, frustration and anger that comes with braiding hair…especially those dread-lock looking braids that are……well, cute…and a bad idea at the same time. It doesn’t help if you have a streak of impatience within you which comes alive when you sit to get your braids done…much so if you can relate to those kids who scream when they get braided…it’s the same exact feeling but for being an adult, you do not have the same liberty to throw tantrums even though it would be completely justified and so you shove your stupid frustrations down your… (Exactly that)…and pay for it with cold hard cash….and a smile. For a moment you will look at the mirror and feel pleased with yourself for being patient enough to sit through this horrible experience…until it’s time to sleep and it’s a whole other ordeal for a few days at least.

Most people who bother with the matter at all will agree that the bliss of shaving hair probably lies within the containment of your walls. Because once you get out… you are likely to inspire the wrong conversations. Most people will forget the expected pleasantries and jump straight to ghai! Ulinyoa nywele! …..mbona?...Because it’s not normal to just wake up one morning and decide that a change of style would be to shave your hair so you have to take them slowly through the series of events that pushed you to the brink of something so terrible that the only way out was to shave your hair….they listen with anticipation, ready to offer a shoulder to lean on upon their learning of the bad news that awaits their ears; only to be disappointed because truth is, you  just woke up one morning, planned to go to the salon later in the afternoon to get your  braids removed, (those deadlock-looking braids that were a terrible idea in the first place) but then, you  suddenly decided it’ s too hot outside so  you just stood in front of the mirror and snipped off the  braids….together with the hair…easy ! Well, the pronoun here should be I….I did that.

As a post shaver, you will fight many silent wars…..you better learn to do so with the right amount of subtlety to ward off even more unwanted attention. You will know its war time when someone gazes three seconds longer than they should, because they are probably looking for the right words for the same question you have answered a thousand times….the first line of defense is to look particularly blissful and pleased with yourself because, most people are easily charmed by enthusiasm and self-assurance and they might be persuaded give a compliment instead of a barrage of questions that would follow if you have a slightly pensive look. You will battle an array of armies of lookers, whisperers, pointers and insinuators…once in a while you will run into a few who will suddenly feel like they have earned the entitlement to give you tidbits of wisdom, much like lame attempts at giving counsel after a serious episode of *effing things up. Because obviously, everybody can see that the damage is done, and it needs to be fixed…..not quite.

On rare occasions you will spark the interest of those with super feminist mind-sets, who seek to make the most out of the mundane. If you engage them in conversation enough, you might leave the table charged with the same energy and drive to speak up against  everything that comes close to threatening the sacred equality between the sexes. They will dare to ask, why did you shave? You will stand tall, flexing your newly acquired feminist powers with the same skill and confidence of the women that came before you and say…’I am on the verge of something phenomenal’… and truly so because you are a woman….. you can be anything but ordinary.  See? I’m kinda invested. 

Re -written AI version

Let's face it, shaving your head has some major perks. For starters, you get to bask in the pure joy of standing under a hot shower without any hair getting in the way. And let's not forget about the cash you'll save by not having to hit up the salon every few weeks for a new hairdo. Plus, you'll never have to deal with the agony of getting your hair braided again (especially those dreaded dreadlocks that look cute but are a nightmare to maintain).

And don't even get me started on the patience required to sit still for hours while getting your hair braided. If you're anything like me, you'll be fidgeting in your seat like a kid in a dentist's waiting room. But unfortunately, throwing a tantrum is frowned upon when you're an adult, so you're left with no choice but to sit there and grit your teeth (and maybe even cry a little on the inside). And let's not forget the cold, hard cash you'll have to hand over afterwards, all while smiling through the pain.

But the best part? You'll finally get to look in the mirror and see your beautiful, bald head staring back at you. It's a moment of pure bliss...until you have to go out in public and deal with everyone's reactions. People will stare, they'll ask questions, they'll wonder if you're going through some sort of crisis. But here's the truth: sometimes, you just wake up and decide to make a drastic change. It doesn't have to be some deep, existential crisis. Maybe you just felt like it, okay?

Of course, there will be plenty of battles to fight after you've shaved your head. You'll have to deal with the stares, the whispers, and the unwanted attention. But with a little bit of charm and self-assurance, you'll be able to deflect most of the questions and maybe even get a few compliments instead.

And then there are the feminists who will come out of the woodwork to praise your bold move. They'll ask you why you did it, and you'll stand up straight and say, "I'm on the verge of something phenomenal." Because let's be real, shaving your head is a pretty badass move, and you're not just any ordinary woman. You're a force to be reckoned with, baby!

So go ahead, grab those clippers and shave your head. It might not be for everyone, but for those of us who do it, it's a moment of pure liberation. Plus, you'll get to save some serious cash on hair products...and who doesn't love that?