Solitude

Spending time alone, quiet and without the distraction of the internet and the world in general, makes you discover two things…one, you know too much about yourself and two…you need a few concrete skills to deal with reality.

Well last weekend Kenya Power decided to take a break for at least 60 hours (I counted)…a pretty long time to spend with yourself if you ask me…I had always been fascinated with the idea of living alone…as in without someone to distract you from yourself...I thought about all the freedom and lack of care that comes with that…something I always pictured to be an idyllic experience...mostly because I dislike routine and schedules. You can easily find me finishing assignments at 12 am or cooking dinner at 10pm or 3pm. Well, depending on whatever got most of my attention. When you don’t live alone, you learn to tame that weirdo in you…you are a little bit more grounded and balanced human….you go to bed in good time, make actual meals and sometimes well….stop yourself from being completely insane…..The one thing I didn’t foresee is how much my comfort and fulfilment would be dependent on this one commodity….electricity. I realized I find it incredibly difficult to focus without some kind of distraction seeking my attention on the side.(usually my phone) Which as if by denying it my attention, I can focus on what I’m doing so that I can reward myself later as a prize for delaying  the gratification.

Well, I woke up on Saturday morning and as usual checked the time then opened WhatsApp. (well if you didn’t know, WhatsApp can help tell two things. One, the time you woke up and two…you are alive.) I have to admit I have some confidence in this technique…I even thought I am the only one who uses it on spy duty….lol. I was disappointed to learn I am not the only one who relies on it because someone recently almost caught me lying about the time I woke up. Just because I wasn’t online by the time I said I was awake…..of course I denied…vehemently…because number one….I have a morning routine. A serious one at that…Change your morning change your life type of thing you know? One I should probably share on YouTube or even better, start an online course on because it’s working for me incredibly well and it definitely does not involve checking my WhatsApp first thing in the morning….WhatsApp? Are you even serious? Number two, I have a reputation….an excellent one so I am definitely not lying  about this….well, now they know…(If they ever read this lol)…Fake it till you make it right? The cat is out of the bag so don’t be surprised if I call unexpectedly just to ask if you’re okay…..Your ‘last seen’ is just probably a bit alarming…

 So, Saturday morning. I had just woken up and was checking WhatsApp when my phone suddenly went off. I realized it had not charged at all during the night…for a moment I thought it’s my charger…again for the hundredth time... I have been buying chargers almost every other week…..I had just bought a new one a week before…an original one they said. I would have gone crazy if it was the charger. I confirmed that indeed it’s the power so I decided to stay in bed a little bit more so that, you know…we can start the day all over again…on a good note…when I have checked my WhatsApp. I was already awake so I just sat on my bed waiting for this dark cloud of ‘stima kulost’ to pass. I was sure It will only be a few minutes…it’s always a few minutes…ten….perhaps twenty at most? I sat there. Constantly checking my phone despite my full knowledge that it is off.  That’s when I decided that even if the lights come back…I will not wait for my phone to start before I move…I always wait….always.  I decided to take the challenge. I was going to find my escape instead of wallowing in my disappointment with Kenya Power.

For the first time in a long time I skipped the WhatsApp ritual and got out of bed. I was actually inspired to do the most within a short time because when we make sacrifices it has to be for something right? My Saturday mornings are usually for cleaning…. if I don’t have other plans. I cleaned, had breakfast like a normal human and decided to start on that book I have been wanting to read for some time.  I started on a few pages and just when I was starting to get into the story, some false feelings of accomplishment started to creep in…..prompting me to look for a snack…you know…a much deserved break. I brought the snack with me, a chocolate bar. I continued to read while nibbling on it. I was reading but at this point the chocolate was getting most of my attention. I had begun to lose interest in the book so I decided to check if power is back….it wasn’t.  I went about this cycle a few times when I remembered my sister was coming for lunch…oops it was already 12 pm and I hadn’t called to check if she was still coming. Lucky me I had the mulika mwizi I hadn’t fully appreciated until then.

It was now time to cook. I love to cook .That brought some normalcy back….I made lunch, my sister arrived and it was once more perfectly normal again. It was the first time she was visiting since moving out… It felt like home again. For a while I forgot about the power situation, I even forgot about my phone.  It’s incredible what we fail to see when you’re around someone for too long…. I realized she had been the one who shakes me by the shoulder a bit and reveals the impossible to me….she was the distraction that kept me sane even when there was no power…or when I thought it was all over… like the day was suggesting, even before it started. Yaani siku ilikua imeisha tu ivo (this translation is necessary…lol). We had a good time and she left just in time before the curfew.

It was now getting dark now, the power was still not back.  I had walked to the main road where I saw a Kenya power Pick Up with a dozen men at least, working on some huge cables in a trench…..it seemed incredibly laborious and I was pretty sure this wouldn’t be resolved in one night. I spent the night trying to keep busy but there was a constant nagging feeling that something is missing. I went to bed late and tried to get some sleep as soon as possible as though it would shorten this experience.

The next day, still no power. It was the same routine…thankfully my sister and brother came and we spent the day together…as usual, it was a welcome distraction. By the time the power situation was resolved on the third day, a Monday, at around 5pm, I had made a resolution to strive for more in most areas but one….screen time. It is the one concrete skill I need to deal with the realities of solitude.